530a? ..... Try 430a...

What do you mean, you ask? Bre had an early morning yesterday.... I can top that.... Somehow my sleepy frustration turns into humor... or perhaps we all just enjoy reveling in others pain....? Don't you worry, this is definitely worth the read. I thought I would do some work, perhaps fill in my time/billing sheets before Jeani finds out I'm 2 weeks behind.. NOPE. I think I'll blog.

My child had a GREAT day at Kellie's yesterday, he slept A LOT. Great for Kellie, bad for Mama.  When Ryan called yesterday afternoon and read me off the little note Kellie writes for me, I should have predicted what would follow....

For a self proclaimed sleep-aholic the following story is disgusting....

Let'd got back:
On the Way Home From Work....
Stop at grocery store. Buy more baby food, although Callen prefers his toes recently. Toe flavored pears? Buy greasy fried grease for dinner from the deli.  This definitely Stuck to My Ribs, but wasn't worthy of a true cook. We will revisit this later. Buy cute, small bundle of flowers, "to brighten my day".... HA! Drive home with thoughts of said toe eating baby, eating pears and smiling at Mama.

As I Walk in the Door....
Walk up the porch with grocery bags, work laptop, basket of finishes and drawings for Ft Polk job, purse, and bundle of flowers {I needed to do some work}. Toe eating baby, red in the face, screaming. Ryan, "What are those flowers for?" Day no longer 'brightened."

From the Door to the Kitchen...
Argument ensues over whether to attempt to feed with a spoon or shove a bottle. I want to go back to work. Argue while Callen is having a 'Milk Buddy'... I need not explain? Give up argument, agree its pointless and fueled by the screaming child.

The Evening...
Ryan eats greasy dinner, gratefully. I make Callen eat pears. I went to the store to buy them, dammit.  Wipe face. Burp. Clean Butt, {still no poops}. Swaddled {remember red faced screaming from earlier?}. Rock 'til droppy. Lay down. Apologize to one another for argument for no reason. Hug. Kiss. DVR. CSI Miami. Open up all the work stuff.  Wah... Waaah.... WAAAHHH! from the monitor. Sonofabitch. Ryan take care of irritating child. Rush to get work done. Email to furniture reps, who are also working at all hours.

Bed Time...
No funny business tonight. Sleep. Wait, what's that? Indigestion? Oh yeah... remember greasy, fried grease dinner? Awake 'til 945p {We go to bed at 830p... don't judge... Ryan goes to work at 3a.... and I, well, I have a baby}. Eat the last three rolaids. Wish there were 10 more. Ryan's talking in his sleep. Fall asleep, I guess, 'cause next thing I know. Cah... Cah... WAAAHHH! from the monitor. It's 1045p. WTF! Remember the great day at Kellie's? Child awake, no possibility of using the Pal trick. Milk Buddy. DVR. Kardashian's in New York. Back to bed for everyone.

Later...
3a. Ryan asks if Callen has woken up at all {he's immune to the sounds of the monitor, I guess}. I say, "Yes, I'm tired, Love you. Drive safe." In other words, "Why did you wake me up?" 345a. That damn monitor again! Stick in the Pal. Re-swaddle. His arms are out.... how, HOW? No luck. He's awake and ready for the day. I will be having a chat with Kellie about nap length today. Large Milk Buddy. DVR. Ruby on Style Network. Lay back down. It's 430a. I guess I'll just stay awake.

And Know the Fun Begins...
I guess I'll take a shower. First, I'll pluck my eye brows. Maybe look at the the weirdness childbirth has done to my womanly shape. I don't advise doing this. Shower. No mirrors. Remember this? What I didn't list were these soap scum eraser sponges. They are the real star of the show, I just didn't know it when I was posting that day. I have time, let's try these suckers out. Remember this? Well, brown water and white tile & grout don't mix. I could have made a commercial while I was in the shower! LOVE THEM! I should shower now. 515a. The lights go out. SONOFABITCH! I'm in the shower!! It hasn't rained her in ages. It IS now! Hey, I still have hot water. Lights come back on. Check on toe eater. Still sleeping. Thank Goodness. Use fancy products in wet hair. I have time. Use crusty heel cream on feet. I have time. Eat breakfast? NOPE. I think I'll blog.

Current Time:
630a. Blogging. Wishing I ate breakfast. Wondering if the child will wake up, just to spite me. Wait, what's that I hear coming from the monitor? Grunting... mute TV, local news is boring anyway. Yep, grunting... Poops!!! Yay!!  Good thing I took a shower, cause now I get to clean a butt that hasn't pooped in 5 days. He's quacking now. I better go clean his butt. That's what mom's do right? Then off to work, where I make things pretty. Is this my life? Good thing I'm in counseling now.

HAPPY TUESDAY FRIENDS!! <3